Poor Judgement and a Lost Mind

I've spent my whole damn life isolated on my own, born to walk alone, it's the only way I've known. It's like you couldn't do it because it would be to scary, but I've always done it, toughened up no fairy. So if people want to think that I have lost the plot, then I'll play up to it while they smoke the pot, let it not be forgot that out of the whole lot, only I stopped the weed and booze, clear head I've got. But not knowing where I stand is a certain uncertainty, and now it overcomes as I act unnervingly, the unknown causes anxiety, I lose composure, not with everyone just those I was closer. If it's the madman when I was on the Ritalin that stays in your mind, whom I wouldn't want to know either, he'd lost his mind, and it's embarrassing for me to know I lived that story, then I need to find new people and live the life before me.