Parody Mocking Twilight Fans

Once upon a sullen silence, I sighed, I sighed about the Cullens. Crazy, dreamy, drowsy fans, oh how it made me sore; Muscular, masculine vampire men with shiny skin gave me chagrin. Their paleness, ageless, alter less lives gave me such a bore. Guys abhor this whole love lore, “where’s Harry Potter?” I implore. This Twilight book girls opt for. Meyer’s tale is mildly cheesy; the protagonist makes it look so easy. Edward sinuously stalked our dear Miss Swan, which many girls adore... When suddenly there came a tapping, tapping on the tall window; Our happy Edward leapt right in, in black Goth clothes galore. His ominous outlook, his empty stare; if only he had a councilor. Only this and nothing more. Since when did vampires sparkle in sunlight, now why are werewolves so cute and cuddly? These addling attempts of harrowing humor make my head too sore. Rabid fans now buy icepacks and glitter, Volvos, old trucks, furry jackets and such. Meyer’s has made mounds of money from unfortunate fans, the movies, and more! Please stop these callous and crazy cults of women I implore, None of this Twilight anymore!