Pairs

I am an antediluvian lone soul
Where does my life’s love roam?
I need it to board the boat
I need it to create home

loverhyme

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Just That Archaic Poet

September 13, 2013 at 10:43 AM

I had to look up "antediluvian"; I love learning new words. If reworked, this would be an awesome piece. While I like the word "antediluvian", it creates a lot of problems with your prosody in this piece. If you are going to use it, I would omit "lone". I like the ideas of your last two lines, but the way they are worded isn't as strong as they could be. I would suggest an internal rhyme for line 3, like "Far to float aboard my boat" (or something like that). Also try reworking the last line :)

Just That Archaic Poet

September 13, 2013 at 10:44 AM

Kudos, though, bud; I see great potential in you and your work