Padded Room

My sanity has become a nightmare.
 I feel as I am wondering around lost from all this clutter in my head.
 My feelings hold me as a straight jacket as my life becomes a padded  room.
The numbness drugs me so I feel nothing.
 When you stare at me with pain stricken eyes, I feel nothing.
I don’t even sink.
You think I am heartless.
 No I am a earthquake, ready to shake any moment.
So with each breathe and day,   I push the overwhelming emotions back into my padded 
room.
 Each doctor’s visit, I show no concern or surprise.
 Every glance of your eyes tell me you loathe me , as  I sit here quietly.
 They think I am offensive because  I  never say anything, while you cry with pain.
 No one sees the fear  inside of me, it mocks my control.
These days  I fight it like a knight slaving too many demons.
  One crack and all composure will be destroy.
I long to lock myself away in my room away from the world and cry.
If I do this, I won’t be able to build back up this wall.
That I hide my pain and concern.
It’s for better or worse.
And I chose to have better, so I don’t cry when I hold your hand at night.
I ignore the insanity of this situation, choosing to make our world brighter.
I won’t listen to you welcome death over life, because of the pain.
Instead I yell at you to stop being selfish.
Maybe everyone think’s I am cruel, but I fight with you to hold on.
I didn’t give up everything  to watch our future slip away.
Maybe we won’t have forever, but I just want today.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2009

Poem

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August 4, 2009 at 4:15 AM
Good Morning Mary. I enjoyed reading your wonderful poem this morning. Love, Carol
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