Once broken

I was broken I was a shadow
No one will ever make me feel that low
That’s all now internalised
Damaged and impersonalised 
My mind takes me back to childhood
Even deep into adulthood
Silence is my friend
A comfort I have to defend
Trust isn’t automatically given
Just because they died doesn’t mean forgiven
I’m happy on my own
I don’t really feel alone
I choose the people in my life
Avoiding disagreement and strife
Hiding and isolating
I don’t find it violating 
Covid lockdown was like a dream
Isolation not too extreme
People of authority make me fearful
They have a habit of giving an earful 
One body movement makes me freeze
Like I’m a child that has displeased 
So now my present
Maybe unpleasant 
May not conform to society 
Fills me with anxiety
But I am the only one who can break myself
My screwed thought process can damage oneself
My manic demeanour 
Maybe scars from an abuser
But he will never break me again
I think about his passing now and then
There is a whole other story about that
For now however I’m only in combat
With myself
Copyright © | Year Posted 2025

Poem

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