Ode To My Toilet
When I was older as a kid I'd ride the commode
I would drop my load
Into the toilet
Say, "Yay, I did it!"
And flush it
My toilet and I have a great friendship
Me and my toilet
One that on I would never slip
One that is Groovy, Cool and hip
My toilet is a great thing
When I flush it I like to hear it sing
In my toilet I like to poo
And in my toilet so can you
I clean my toilet everyday
To keep it clean and keep the germs away
My toilet never has a ring
And you don't need toilet paper to bring
If you like to stand up like a man
And hold it in your hand
Then before you attack
Please read the ceramic plaque
If you do stand please do find
That you shouldn't pee like your blind
Keep this little ditty in mind
And remember to read the ceramic sign
If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Be a sweetie
And wipe the seatie
I don't like to be sparse
There's lots of toilet paper to clean your @r$$
Wiping your butt is lots of fun
Keep it clean for everyone
If you don't like sitting on the plexiglass
Because you think it might pinch your @$$
I have a toilet seat made of wood
And you can use it, yes you could
The only thing is that you might get a splinter
Stuck in your end hinter
But I know how no doubt
To painlessly pull it out
However, I recommend the plastic lid
Where apon it you never slipped or slid
It's adult friendly and so for kids
You like my toilet, I'll take a bid
When your on the toilet again
To get a little action
You'll get better traction
When you stop wackin'
If you accidentally wet yourself
There's some nice ACME diapers on the shelf
Lots of people are incontinent
Living on this continent
I'm not fool
I keep the toilet nice and cool
The toilet really likes it like that
When you go into the bathroom, remove your hat
We must respect the toilet in it's Sanctuary
So when you go in, have a care, be wary
Remember to take off your shoes
You've got nothing to lose
My toilet will take good care of you
While you do your poo
And what ever else you do
It's the world's friendliest loo
Since my toilet doesn't take a coins
Do your thing, wash your hands and clean your loins
Yes, my toilet is free to the masses
They don't have to pay to wipe their @$$#$!
If you think that all the time my toilet to use is trending
There will be some money to pay, some lending
Then you can use my toilet anytime you wish
Just don't steal the soap dish
My toilet is devine
You don't believe me, just sit down and out you'll find
I can tell you, I just used it
And I'm not joking, I'm not full of $#i+!
Weather you do number one
Which is Fun
Or do number two
Which I like to do
If you don't put fear in it
You'll have a nice experience
Just take a Lorazepam, no, take two
And do your business on the loo
Probably, when your job is done
You'll want to take a selfie, at least one
You'll want to have a keepsake
For the pee and poo that you make
If the toilet by now is very dirty
Really gross and germy
Then you can play your role
It's your turn to clean the toilet bowl!
My dear old toilet, I love you!
You are the most wonderful loo!
You're delightful when I do my poo!
An enjoyable number one and a lovely number two!
This poem is making me dumb!
I'm starting to tingle, I'm getting quite numb!
This only happens to the deserving some
Support your Local Toilet, leave a tip when you're done!
Copyright Jeff W. Watson, July 30, 2026
Post Comments
Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.
Please
Login
to post a comment
Turn off ads, get more exposure for your poetry, and get more features with a
Premium Membership.
