Numb

(His Version of Somber) Even in the light of day no light can penetrate me, the darkness seeps out of my soul and it consumes me I have no light to shine on me, that was taken away, so now my days are filled with storm clouds hanging over me and rain that won’t go away But when the night comes there, I am at my best, surrounded by what suits me most matching the blackness within my chest The charcoaled remains of a heart that used to beat, now only ashes can be found fluttering around inside of me This is my time, the time when I could almost feel, but when you’re numb inside everything else just seems surreal I can be numb, I can let the pain seep out of my pores, I can take off the mask that I wear daily and remove the bloodied sword The sword that cut my heart out of my chest so many years ago, where now lies nothing but a wasteland of broken dreams and crushed souls This is my time and if I could cry I would, but my tear ducts have dried up so even if I wanted to it wouldn’t do any good I have dehydrated myself there is nothing left here but a lifeless soul, taking on the form of a beaten down man that has lost what once made him whole I wish that light could penetrate me, I wish for it to run so deep, to seep into the darkness that I have living within me To pump something into this hole where my heart used to be, I want to feel something so bad it is killing me I can’t even grieve over what I once had, I would give anything to feel just an ounce of sadness that would make me glad I took her light from within her when I shattered her existence to me so long ago, and where I buried that light, even I don’t know I lie upon this bed, and I picture her beautiful face, but I can’t even wish to be happy to see her, even my mind is filled with disgrace Disgrace and shame over all that I have done, I guess I deserve what I got myself into, I deserve to just be numb I can hear her cries but all I feel is emptiness inside, I can’t give her what I no longer have of me that once lived inside I can wish for my situation to change, or I could wish for death, right now I’m living in my own version of hell every time I take a breath She thinks I moved on and that I am so happy now, I wish I knew where she got that story from because looking at me, I don’t see how I am just a watered-down version of the strong man that I used to be, with darkness eating away at me from within and wishing for pain that could bring me to my knees You awakened the darkness within me long ago when you shed your light upon me, and they intermingled there between us what was your dream but my reality You saw the goodness in me although it has never been there, you believed my darkness was just a disease and all I needed was for someone to care I wanted for your light to be enough, to drown out the voices inside, but how can I take someone’s light away from them, knowing for me it will never shine? So, I did what I thought that I needed to do, I turned off my emotions and I drowned every, single memory of you I turned numb so that I wouldn’t have to feel, what it feels like to die a thousand deaths, this just can’t be real Maybe I did get lost on my journey and there you were like a beacon in the darkness of the night, but what I did to you, I was never deserving of your love, I wasn’t right And now here I sit upon this bed knowing there is nothing I can do, my darkness keeps me company while the light, my love, the light watches over you.