Nothing Really Matters

Lately everything seems to be surrounded in darkness
Either I am way too close or too far away
When I stand close I perfectly see the flickering light ahead
How close it is but when I reach it.. it just disappears
I can't seem to grasp anything that's around me anymore
When I touch it, it just turns to ash... 

Seems I have lost the will to do much anything
Sometimes I find myself starring at white walls..
I forgot to think.. maybe I will forget to breath too

The image of the world in my head.. is so different from what I see... with my eyes
Is reality an allusion or is the world in my head.. 

Darkness surrounding everyone I stand close to
You see them fade in and out like a hologram
When you reach out to touch them.. they are not real
Sometimes they just.. disappear 
Then I find myself searching for what I used to know

Seems the world in my head.. is not so bright and colorful anymore
Either everyone is stuck in the past with me.. or they are moving forward..
I am watching them pass me by as I stay within the realm I am used to knowing

No matter how many times I change my appearance..
Everything stays the same... and I realize..
All the people I know.. 
In the end. .. nothing really matters...

Everything you knew..
Everything you have touched..

Everyone you have loved
Everyone you once cared for

All the lessons you learned...
what are they for?...

Is it better to be... alone..
Where there is no pain in a relationship with another..
I can no longer get close to anyone..
I find myself.. stepping further and further back
Yet I cannot stop myself... there is no rope to grab..

Which world would I rather live in.. the one i see with my eyes.. or the one in my head...

They both have become.. one of the same... covered and smeared in blood.. 
Darkness...

I have no reflection in the mirror.. and I can feel my soul slipping from within me
All I see.. is cracks.. where my soul is leaking its way out..
Yet no band-aid or super glue.. could help cover it

Hallow...

Nothing can save you now.. because you realize... the truth..
Once your world is coming to an end.. it wont matter.. 
You will not remember.. you wont be able to feel.. 

Somehow, even with this darkness and being surrounded by darkness
Having the feeling of comfort and a blind happiness

Everything is perfectly where it belongs...
Copyright © | Year Posted 2015

Poem

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A  Avatar
November 28, 2015 at 2:38 PM
Orlin, Congratulations on your well-deserved win. Love SKAT
A. Sharma Avatar
November 26, 2015 at 4:28 AM
Congrats on ur wonderful win Orlin.. great pen!
Scars Avatar
November 24, 2015 at 5:36 PM
Orlin..congrats on your win in my first contest! Full of depth, thank you :)-lu *smiles*
A. Sharma Avatar
August 1, 2015 at 1:19 AM
Awesome write n win Orlin! Big congrats!
Roper Avatar
July 31, 2015 at 4:42 PM
Congratulations on your win a 7. Hugs Eve
A  Avatar
July 31, 2015 at 1:20 PM
Hi Orlin, awesome win...SKAT
Haman Avatar
July 30, 2015 at 8:30 PM
This was a beautifully depressing poem. I feel as though i have taken a stroll inside your soul. Stay positive and keep writing. It will make for wonderful poetry.
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