Terry Flood Poet Lyric

Notes About The Poem

Rehashed and set to un-human music.

All words entirely human.

For the faint hearted, it may be unwise...

to listen beyond the fade out... just saying ;-)

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Listen to poem:

No Toilets In The Sky - 2025 - slightly gross

Santa’s doing Tinkles as he travels on his way
Sprinkling golden showers ’cross the moonlit sky today
He has no private place to pee which fills him with dismay
For there’s no public toilets... in the Milky Way

Santa’s got his legs crossed cos he’s been out on the beer
His guts are throwing tantrums and he wishes home was near
He knows he’s gonna poop his pants that fact is fairly clear
For there’s no public toilets... in the upper atmosphere

He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in… the sky

Santa hits some turbulence and says a little prayer
He needs to poop and piddle but there’s nowhere private there
He’s sure he’s gonna throw up and become a vomit sprayer
For there’s no public toilets... in the ozone layer

Santa’s gonna poop himself, how will he show his face
Public humiliation, and permanent disgrace
He can’t hold on much longer, though he needs a private place
For there’s no public toilets... on the edge of space

He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in… the sky

Santa belched and burped and then his tummy grumbled loud
His fart was wet but silent, he was glad because he’s proud
Santa’s really trying not to throw up over crowds
For there’s no public toilets... high above the clouds

Santa can’t believe his butt just played a squeaky tune
He’s been holding it in but now his gut’s a gas balloon
There’s gonna be an awful mess if he don’t get home soon
For there’s no public toilets… far beyond the moon

He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in… the sky

Santa’s doubled up, good job the reindeer know the way
He’s squirting out of every orifice a putrid spray
All kinds of hell are raining down on Earth this Christmas Day
For there’s no public toilets... in the Milky Way

Down on Earth a seagull pooped upon a lady’s head
“They say it’s meant to bring good luck,” her boyfriend almost said
But what came down upon him from above had killed him DEAD
Santa cried, “I’M SORRY SON… WHY WEREN’T YOU HOME IN BED?”

He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in… the sky
No toilets in…the sky
No… toilets… in…… the sky

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Deb M August 10, 2025 at 2:18 AM You are such a clever and funny man Terry….and a wee bit naughty!! Debx

Jan Allison August 9, 2025 at 2:58 PM ha ha ha seasonal toilet humour I love it of course, hugs Jan xx Terry Flood August 9, 2025 at 3:06 PM I hope you enjoyed the recording’s tumultuous ending. I very nearly dedicated this to you, Jan…. Not sure why I didn’t… hey ho ;-)

Ilene Bauer August 8, 2025 at 5:21 PM terry - this should be blasted on the radio during holiday season! at least it would make those of us who are subjected to that music have a good laugh. you are too funny! Terry Flood August 9, 2025 at 2:46 PM This was meant to be to the tune of ‘Ghost Riders In The Sky’ but try as I might, the AI program wasn’t having any of it. I liked this enough to go with it. Glad you had a good laugh. Terry

sara Etgen-Baker August 8, 2025 at 4:39 PM true,a tad gross and maybe a little twisted...but creative in its own right Terry Flood August 8, 2025 at 4:45 PM To be honest, Sara… I kinda wondered what AI would do with it musically… I told it to add the bells/chimes and the unsavoury exit, and I played with punctuation to suggest a ‘rhythm’… the rest (of the music) was all down to bits and bytes. So, have I got the Christmas number one in the bag?