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My Type of Jealousy

I’m jealous of successful individuals
I’m afraid people talk behind my back and act like I’m the fool
I’m envious of happy-go-lucky couples
I need to feel joy towards them, but how when I’m this single guy, so uncool

My type of jealousy is towards those who have it better than me
My type of jealousy is towards those people who have it all it seems
My type of jealousy is what pushes me into the shadows of envy
My type of jealousy is a coward and a sluggard within in crooked dreams

I’m spellbound by negativity
I’m sorry I’m not your dose of positivity 
I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you
But, still, don’t feel bad for me or sorry for me for what I go through

Cuz I’m nothing to you of course
Cuz I’m meaningless and worthless
Cuz I’m everything that’s worse
Than better it seems while I dug my grave of helpless hopelessness

I guess I’m not that sorrowful after all
Single life for me is better than the times I got sick from messing around too much
I am such a mess and I want to stand tall
Though I have yet some more healing to do, I still want your touch…and such

I’m sorry that I loved hooking up a lot, yet
I’m sorry that I am such an adulterous man and nearly 3/4 a homosexual in regret 
I’m sorry that I adored sex so much and it’s giving me so much agony
I’m sorry that I’m not marriage material in your eyes of unsatisfactory 

I’m no longer diseased with this sexual, demonic, and pornographic passion
God has given me another chance to live, thanks to His cheerful, merciful compassion
I’m set at ease, I’m set at ease after I dealt with many-a-disease
Oh, in its extremity, I know God has healed me, so please, please, please

Don’t mention my past like you do…
Live for the future and you should too
True, I’m cruel and insignificant sometimes…how many times do I have to tell you to leave me the hell alone?
But, know that you’re no better than me with you committing hidden crimes…I’d rather live on my own and all alone

I’ve been heartbroken a million times a million
My heart can’t take another love in my peculiar life
I welcome the sun at the break of precious dawn 
My mind can’t handle this overwhelming strife

My type of jealousy is when I feel you, 
Cuddling and making love with someone new
My type of jealousy is watching people kiss
Without any lips to embrace my own amiss

I’m sorry I’m so down all the time I suppose…it’s the strange, shady choices I chose
I’m not your poetry anymore, just this idiotic, unrhymed and unrhythmed prose
I’m not that person I was weeks ago yet alone yesterday 
I’m tomorrow…I’m tomorrow…I’m a change from dismay to feeling gay

I’m jealous of nothing right now
My type of jealousy went away anyhow
I don’t want my heart going awry with avarice appall
I forgive, but I never forget to stand tall after a grand fall

Copyright © J.W. Earnings | Year Posted 2024

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