My_True_Identity.Sas
Data Birth;
INFILE 'C\Fathersperm\Motheregg\9_months\The_One_Of_Shadows.txt';
INPUT FNAME = 'Yoni'
LNAME = 'Dvorkis';
Var Hidden_Meaning = "SAS code is not meant to be poetry you nut job";
Run;
Data Child;
Set Birth;
Where Age >= 4;
Var Worldview = Parents_Worldview;
Var Facial_Expression = compress('Fear'||'Bewilderment'||'Jews believe in guilt');
Run;
Data Teenager;
Set Child (Drop= Innocence, Baby_Fat, Cheerful_Disposition);
Where Age >= 15 and BAC_Level >= .01;
Var Worldview = (Peer_Pressure * 100) + Favorite_Teacher_Worldview
- Parents_Worldview;
Var Hidden_Meaning = "Where are you going with this?";
Run;
Data Adult;
Set Teenager (Keep= Anger, Intelligence, Need_For_Material_Wealth, Hatred_Towards_Body
Drop= A_Sense_Of_Security_In_An_Unforgiving_World);
Var Job_That_Slowly_Kills_You = "Healthcare Data Analyst and SAS Programmer";
Var Worldview = (Company_Mission_Statement + Family_Is_Most_Important)
/ Screw_Everyone_Else_I_Have_My_Own_Problems;
Where Age >= 21 and BAC_Level >= .15;
If Yearly_Salary >= 100,000 then
Self_Esteem = "Now I'm worth something!!";
Else if 50,000 <= Yearly_Salary < 100,000 then
Self_Esteem = "I guess I should count myself lucky...";
Else if Yearly_Salary < 50,000 then
Self_Esteem = ______;
Var Hidden_Meaning = "Jeez, you're really laying it on thick with the salary stuff";
Run;
Data Old_Man;
Set Adult;
Where Age >= 65 and Yearly_Salary = "Whatever's left of Social Security";
Var Cynical_Being =
(Why_Did_It_Have_To_End_Like_This * Years_Hiding_In_Plain_Sight )
- The_Will_To_Keep_Going;
Run;
Proc sort data = Old_Man out = Old_Man_On_Deathbed nodupkey;
By What_This_All_Meant_To_Me;
Run;
Data My_True_Identity;
Merge Old_Man_On_Deathbed (in = a) God (in = b);
By _all_;
If b and not a;
Run;
Copyright © Yoni Dvorkis | Year Posted 2009
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