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My Reason

The candles dance alive
Celebrated by our circle
All segments were five
The birthday song we sheepishly sing
As I smile thanking my everything

familylovethank youwiferhyme

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Just That Archaic Poet

September 13, 2013 at 10:27 AM

This is an interesting piece, and I liked it. I would like to make a few suggestions that I think would help make it even better: in line one, what about " Again the candles dance alive" (lends some length and is still relevant considering we all have birthdays each year). And what about "Every segment thus were five" (again, adds length) and for the last line, "While I smile, thank everything" (it evens things out a bit). Only trying to be helpful and in no way harsh. I see a lot of you in me