My Disease

How dare you proclaim that I am perfect!
See these scars?
I am weak!
See these tears?
I don't even know why I'm crying!
My mind is my prison,
keeping me locked up while depression holds the key!
I try to move past the little things,
but they are like cannons, 
going off in my head getting louder...
louder!
To the point that I can't even hear myself think!

How dare you proclaim that I am perfect!
I was happy once,
but then my demons grew and possessed who I was.
They left me a mess, 
a shell of the person who used to be alive.
Who used to be alive, 
because now I feel dead inside! 
Who I was was an inmate sent to death row,
charged with the crime of joy.

I was happy once,
back when depression was just a fairy tail, 
and when I never knew the feeling of "emptiness".
I feel empty and cut myself just to feel something!
I choose pain,
because nothing else will work. 
I would rather see my crimson life source running down my arms,
than to talk with a friend. 
A friend that my sickened mind causes me to hate. 

My emotions are like a minefield.
I try to be wary of my steps,
but then someone trips me up and I explode into tears again.
I would give anything,
to be able to run across that field without blowing up!
I would give anything to be me again!
I would give anything to rid of this depression
my oppression,
the bane of my existence!

I am not perfect, 
I am not sad, 
I am not happy.
I am lost, I am a prisoner, I am innocent.
I am a writer, an artist, a girlfriend, and a daughter.
I am a good student, I am a good friend, and I am a good person.
My only flaw...
My disease...
My depression.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2015

Poem

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Gray Avatar
March 28, 2015 at 4:30 AM
Hi Kayleen, very powerful piece about depression. It is a horrible debilitating illness, with much stigma attached. You manage to capture that sense of helplessness, in your well written poem! Best Regards!. A deserved >7<.
Ashwood Avatar
March 28, 2015 at 4:32 AM
Thank you! It's sad that many people don't realize how bad depression can be. I hope poems like this helps them realize it a little. :)
Hunjeri Avatar
March 19, 2015 at 2:41 AM
Very authentic write. Stay strong. Hugs, njeri
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