My Criminal Past
It’s all too much
I try and try
yet things just don’t
happen right
for me
Just when I think
situations may just
turn around
Out of the blue
it comes to haunt me
My criminal past
Years ago
I was in a store
trying on a red scarf
around my neck
wanting to be
good
to myself
for a moment
When my father called
and I fell to the floor
I remembered everything
I guess I walked out
not realizing
I still wore
the scarf
And so they took me
that day
they took me
in chains
Removed me
without respect
not as a child-like
woman
a damaged soul
someone in need
of repair
But rather, as a criminal
Yet, I was the victim
not the perpetrator
I was hit
with the truth
by my father
on the phone
that day
in the store
while trying on
the red scarf
I saw it all in pictures
and it didn’t stop
for days
months
years
afterward
Even so,
I lost
the little place
I lived
due to
My criminal past
While my 97 year old
“father” lives on,
I sleep all the time
am hurt
all over again
remembering it all
For some
inexplicable reason
I felt it my responsibility
to tell the man
who owned my little home
to convey to him
why I was a criminal
and how it came to be
I took a chance
Because I did that
I chose to reveal that thing
that was so secret
and hurt myself so gravely
that no one
has mercy on me now
Out of luck,
there was no escaping
How can I break free
from all that binds me
that tethers me
to these pictures
repeated
I long to grow up
like other girls
with clean lives
But my criminal past
is a chain
around my ankle
As I wait
for that moment
of transformation,
I wretch my guts out
and can’t stop
remembering……
Copyright © Melody Sokolow | Year Posted 2015
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