Hazel Jackson | + Follow Poet |
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My Cowardly Disease?

Do not mistake me my friend
I appreciate your concern
But it is not needed believe me
You analyze all the small things I do!
You worry about things that are not problems!

I am fine!

So what! If I get upset sometimes? We all do!
But for no reason?  Over no one?  Recently more often?

So what! If I get a little bit depressed sometimes? Most of us do!
But over nothing? No one on the mind? Recently more often?

So what? If I cry sometimes? Some of us do!
But with no reason for these heavy tears? Tears that fall by their own means? Recently more 
often?

So what? If I cut myself sometimes? We all... a few of us do!
But feeling nothing before? During? Or after?  And recently deeper and more often?

You think I suffer from the mental disease depression!
But you have seen me with my friends! Or with anyone I can talk to!
Never was there a soul as happy and hyper!

But watch me when I am alone,
By myself,
With time to think,
That is when I go numb and the “depression” creeps up on me

But there is nothing wrong with me! 
I refuse to be told I have this disease!

You say it is a disease?
And that it isn’t my fault?
And that it can be treated?

You want me to see a doctor! And to be plastered with the “depression” sticker!
There is nothing wrong with me! You shall see!
I shall go to your doctor! And prove I am fine!

But what if you are right? And the doctor confirms it?
What if I have depression?

Where did this dark whole within my body come from?
It is swirling and draining all the laughter and smiles from me
It is the cowardly disease;
It only creeps up on me when it knows I am alone 

Oh god what if it is true ?
what if there is something wrong with me?
I am scared now to go to the doctors incase it is true.
If a disease is left untreated it gets worse right?
So does that mean that I could get worse?
Could the cold, deep, dark whole within my body spread and eventually surface through my 
skin on show for anyone to see?

Do I have this disease? Is it mine?
If I do and it is then it is my cowardly disease.

Copyright © Hazel Jackson | Year Posted 2010

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