My Blind Date With An Ogre

There was something about her smile that said something is not right. Or that I am a pigeon; or that I am not totally on task or very bright. But I am slow on the uptake, so I said I would meet her brother Low-grr. I did not realize until he appeared with roses that he is a green ogre. Not the color difference that surprised me and made me cringe. But the predatory twinkle in his brown eyes that gave me a hard twinge. I felt him looking me up and down, and I felt a tremor for sure. I knew at the end of the night I would be lucky to remain chaste or pure. He is more handsome than the ordinary pink and brown guys I date. More entertaining too; I knew I had truly met my glorious fate. I took him home to meet the family and my grandma let out a scream. The best lover I ever had was the same color as his green! She was almost never this honest, so the family began to laugh. Except, she added, that one time I dated a very well-hung giraffe. My father’s face got dark and redder than I have ever seen. Grandma is something else now that she’s an Alzheimer’s Queen. Lighten up! My mother said. She is open to all kinds of stuff. Being a doctor has made her much stronger, kind of tough. Daddy could not stop blushing, but Ogre made him feel better. He said, “Tell me about your best-looking Christmas sweater.” Low-grr and I ended up being best friends, not lovers at all. But we walk around the town and talk, and our talk is not small. He asks about my grandma from time to time, because he is a great guy. He truly is the best listener my girlfriend Jean said with a sigh. So, I set them up on a date, and she married him straight away. They both liked the set up; their wedding was happy and gay. My grandma came and said some stuff that embarrassed my Dad. But it was still the best time as maid of honor that I have ever had.