My Aching Tears

My aching Tears My tears ache, they cry out, reaching for sun beams, only to find, to feel, - touch nothing - lifeless , empty dreams are all around, surround me in that nothing it seems, leaving me to think, to wonder what it all means. I reached out, to touch you today Mandy, only to find your voice on the line, for a second, then an unkind act befell me, you hung up, a sure sign, I feel, - you prefer to keep me out of your mind. Nothing more than phantoms, seem my hands Mandy, as I try to reach you, to touch you. Can it be ?, that my ideas are grasping at a ghostly ideal. My hopes, my desires, my dreams, what I feel is what is meant to be !, my life ?, my fate ?, is it real ? I hope and pray Mandy, that what is before me has no hold on, has no foundation in reality ? A heavy sadness has crept into me this gloomy day, - just like the cold grayness that came and pushed away the brilliant warmth that did blanket this land a brief twenty four hours ago, and I wonder ?, at the hand, and why ?, it wants to make my fragile, aching soul cry out so, in fear that my Daughter, I no longer know and whom, it seems ?, wants to know me not. An empty, vacant, aching heart is all I have got to remind me of my Child, who seems fraught with pain of her own, who shows anger, indifference, that I matter not and can make no difference. to the way she thinks, the way she chooses to live her life. How she copes, how she handles her strife, as she walks the sharp edge of life’s knife. B. J. “A” 2 May 1st 2002 I hope not Mandy, but do think so, that what I left for you this morning – my thoughts, my feelings and my understandings - dated April 29th 2002 – will not reach your eyes, touch your soul, raise your spirit and they – like me – will be set aside, left unopened, or worse !!!, ( if anything could be worse ) then what I feel at this moment . I do hope and pray Mandy, regardless of where you are at or how you feel about me, that you will take the time to see me, - even if I only come to you in written words – and understand your old man, and maybe ?, even reach out to me . I am and always be here for you Mandy, my door, and the door to my heart will always be open and so do not be afraid to use this knowledge my Daughter . Love Dad .