More Times Than None

More times than none, when my door bell rings bad news or tragedy is what it brings. If knocking at my door should follow that then I'm ten fold more prone to a panic attack. If the knocking at my door should continue to persist I'll curl into the fetal position as tight as a clenched fist. My panic attacks are my ultimate test of preventing my heart from pounding right through my chest. My only strength is the knowledge of knowing that the panic attack will pass, but as long as the knocking continues the panic attack will also continue to last. More times than none the uninvited give up and go away, but there have been some who continue to stay. They'll just keep on knocking refusing to go away. My panic turns to anger. Now the unannounced visitor must pay. I open my door and what do I see? A devout Jehovah's Wittiness smiling back at me. "Good morning Sir. Have you welcomed Jesus Christ into your life?" I try to remain calm. I try to be polite. "I don't have time right now but I'd be happy to read any literature you'd care to leave with me." "You don't have time for God?" is what she next said to me, and that's when I lost it ballistically. "I didn't say that you ignorant snob I don't have time for YOU! I Always Have Time For GOD! but what I don't have time for is an inconsiderate slob but I promise, right after I slam my door in your face I'll fall down to my knees and pray to the Almighty Grace. Dear GOD Please Don't Ever Again Send This ******* Over To My Place!!!" and then I slammed my door hard and as loud as can be, and as I had promised my visitor, I fell down to my knees, but I most definitely wasn't on my knees to pray. I was exhausted and 100 times more depressed than I'd felt on any day. It's a two edge sword that I constantly carry around. I beat my panic attack by exploiting my anger on an innocent, well meaning, Child of God clown. I guess the only way I can conquer my panic attacks truly and naturally is to allow the darkness in me to break free occasionally. It's not the greatest of methods but it's the only alternative for me but it can be hurtful to others and that depresses the hell out of me.I have confidence that my panic attacks will one day lessen, but until then I shall remain a No People person.