Ryan Maseko Poet Narrative

MONOCHROME NIGHTS

My heart aches when I look up at the night sky.
I miss my goddess, but she just won't reply.  
She knew how I felt inside;  
She knew that without her attention, I’d die.  
So she took care of me, encouraged me to change
Ready to love the man I’d become.  

I failed her.  
I could not change, at least not quickly enough for her patience.  
Sometimes I wonder if her patience was too timid, too little.  
Most times, I blame myself — what if my heart was too brittle,  
And her loving, smothering hands unintentionally shattered it to pieces?  
What if she cut her long, pale fingers  
Trying to piece the shards back together like a jigsaw?  

On many a night, the “ifs” torture my mind,  
Like maggots that fret constantly on a scabbed wound,
Cruel thoughts that remind me I’ve been a fool.  

A goddess cares for her jester.  
She cares for those who place her happiness above all else.  
She listens to his tales many a time under the lunar sphere,  
She tells her court of his japes,  
The letters, poems, and songs written for her eyes and hers alone,  
Sung for her ears and hers alone,
Transformed into japes:  
Instruments of adoration, amusement, and jealousy for her court.  

A court of ambitious men, ready to enter through any crevice in her heart.  
A court of parasitic women, leeching off her popularity and beauty,  
For any association with her is a gift from the gods.  

A goddess cares for her jester — but too many japes make her  
Apathetic towards him.  
Of her inner court, the jester is the first she’d lose.  

I was your jester.  
I was your fool.  
Even now, I’m still a sucker for your remnants.  
I refuse to accept my axing from your court.  
I eagerly await your visits on my glass screen,  
Analyse your statements for subtle clues that you may want me to return.  
In doing this, I prove I am a fool.  
Have I not matured from the boy I was at school?  

Cynthia, Selena, goddess
My heart aches when the lunar sphere illuminates half the world.  
Its monochrome rays remind me of my abrupt axing.
I was tossed over your castle walls as I slept,  
Forever exiled.  
Without warning, cast out.
Perhaps for stirring a storm of feelings in your heart  
That you weren’t ready to weather.  

If I could hear your thoughts, find closure,  
There’s a chance I’d heal better.

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