Modern Media

Hate crimes are never faked! …nope, that’s wrong. Believe every woman every time. …not, that’s wrong. The polar bears are dying! …nope, that’s wrong. Cops shoot people ’cause they’re racist. …nope, that’s wrong. White people are all Nais! …nope, that’s wrong. Centrists are all Nazis! …nope, that’s wrong. The Internet is all Nazis! ….no, they’re just your competition. We must censor what’s hateful! …nope, that’s wrong. We must shape the narrative. …that’s really wrong. Well, uh, the president’s a racist! …nope, that’s wrong. He colluded with Russians! …nope, that’s wrong. And we reported it honestly. …nope, that’s wrong. Well, uhm, he colluded with Bangladesh! …are you high right now? Well, we’re sure he rapes puppies! …stop projecting. We are objective observers. …nope, that’s wrong. With layers of fact-checkers. …who still get I wrong. We speak truth to power. …nope, that’s wrong. You couldn’t function without us. …nope, that’s wrong. We protect Democracy—hey! Stop laughing! …I can’t! Well screw you! We’ll always be here! …kind of like Herpes.