Married Separately

He came back to me again, only to blind me,
Sweeping my peace away in a hurricane
When it took so long to let myself free,
Only to have it all return; a familiar pain.
It was the day we took our wedding vows,
He was the first to say, "I do".
I became his wife, he my spouse,
It was a dream come true.

But it was over before it began,
Words he spoke not from his heart.
Loving me was not his plan,
He was only playing a part.
Causing my soul to turn to stone,
Leaving his name engraved so deep.
When after only a day, I was alone;
Left alone, only to weep.

An event I've waited for all my life,
Not expecting to only be a pawn.
Just wanting to be the "perfect wife",
But in moments it was all gone.
Allowing myself to never ever forget,
Feeling I was a fool to his charm.
What could he possibly hope to benefit
From causing me so much harm?

I really believed he loved me for real,
But it was just a game in his eyes.
Hurting me was just part of the deal,
As if he were to win a big prize.
So many lies, such deceit thrown in my face,
Asking myself what he really felt.
No words said, just leaving without a trace,
Causing my whole world just to melt.

I was tossed asside like I didn't matter,
Thinking our years together were only a waste.
All at once, like glass I began to shatter.
Leaving my eyes blind, my mouth with no taste.
All my senses have vanished somehow,
My ears can't hear a single sound.
There are no feelings left in my now,
I've buried myself underground.

I just wish that I could understand why,
So I can settle my heart and soul,
To be able to accept it; to say goodbye,
So I can heal and again be whole.
But until then, they'll remain these questions
Going unanswered, leaving me so confussed.
Knowing I've definitely learned my lesson:
I was the one with everything to lose.

(4/3/94)

Copyright © Jamie Ball | Year Posted 2008

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