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Looking Back

Dedicated to my children who have kept my dreams alive.

LOOKING BACK

We can’t go back
To the days of yesteryear
To capture those lost feelings
With those whom we loved so dear

I am just looking back to see
Where all of my dreams first start
You know those deep seeded dreams
Buried way down deep in your heart

I’m not trying to revive a lost love
That I once had forty years ago
Or even trying to replace the twenty years
Of not seeing my grandchildren grow

There were times of much struggle
Filled with pain, fear and torture
It was the love I had for my children
That developed my strength to endure

My children only remember the 2nd set
Of twenty years that have come and gone
When they were all moving out on their own
And when all of the grandchildren came along

It’s like I was locked in a rock
Throughout those 20 to 40 years
Not able to see my grandchildren
Filled my heart with so many tears

The bitterness you feel towards me
Is understandable and really okay
My children, you all have the right
To your feelings and to feel that way

I have finally made the escape
Since that rock has split wide open
I want you all to know who I really am
I haven’t changed at all, only my situation

The gift of feelings we have in our heart
Whether right or wrong, just happen
It matters not what others may think
We should let out our own self expression

No feelings are really ever wrong
In another’s view or even our own
Our thoughts trigger our feelings inside
The feelings we have are ours alone

Looking back strengthens my heart
Reminding me I want to pass along
To all of you, just who I really am
Before my time on earth is gone

One day I hope you will realize 
With you I have always been
Filling you up with that extra love
You may have noticed you’ve been given

You have all filled up
 Such a big part
Of all the dreams
Living in my heart

My best friend Grace, reminded me
That our feelings are meant to be and to last
God wouldn’t put the dreams in our heart
If He didn’t plan to bring the dreams to pass

My dreams haven’t changed
I am not letting them go
They are for new adventures
With new beginnings of tomorrow

Now that I’m looking back
I’m so glad to have survived
I know now, my love for all of you
Has always kept my dreams alive


Florence McMillian (Flo)

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