Just Like Daddy

I haven’t felt this emptiness that settles deep in the pit of my soul since I was four, when my dad kissed me on my cheek as he walked out the door And just as then I am doing the exact same thing now, trying to pretend that you’ll come to your senses and turn right back around And so, I wait just praying for the tears not to fall, I tell myself “He loves me” and love, it conquers all But my dreams were crushed right then and there as the pieces of my heart fell to the floor, and I couldn’t find the will to care about them or you anymore So I left them there lying in a pile of shattered memories, and I took the dollhouse that you made for me the one you promised held all of my dreams I pushed it off of the table and I laughed as it crashed onto the floor, I told myself what’s there left for me inside, he doesn’t want me anymore I stomped it down to scraps of wood that you had glued together with your strong hands, and it felt good to tear something apart that was given to me by a so-called man And then I wished that I was older, that I could set it ablaze, and leave it on your doorstep depicting you as a disgrace But I didn’t know where you went, and I had no way to call, I was only a child asking to be loved, I was so innocent, so small You were the one that was supposed to take care of me, you were supposed to treat me like a fairytale princess and make me believe they could be reality But I was left alone with no daddy, no man to ever show that he cared, and all of my life I have searched for something that I know isn’t out there All that I have ever wanted was just to be the light in someone’s eyes, to be the reason that someone smiles, to be taken by the hand and held for just a moment, to feel the warmth without the goodbyes To not constantly question “Are they going to leave me too?” Oh, daddy, can’t you see what you have done to me? All that you put me through Now I am a grown woman, and the sad part is I’m in this same predicament once again, sitting here watching the man that I love let go of my hands Listening to his words, watching the tears as they fall from his eyes, all the while trying to hold back my own because I just can’t go through this in my life twice No longer am I the little girl trying to hold on to daddy’s hand, I am the one being left again but this time by another man A lover, someone that promised me the adult things that daddy once did, there was a promise of the fairy tale life, the house that resembles the one daddy built me, the sparkling diamond ring, the kid But the sad thing is that he already had this with someone else, he was just like my daddy only thinking of himself And his family, the one that he would run out on to come and visit me, I know how they feel, and it kills me I have been that child questioning why my daddy wasn’t there; I was too young to realize that he had stronger emotions for someone else and they didn’t want to share They wanted my daddy all to themself, and so he left me standing there, and for the rest of my life questioning myself why I wasn’t enough why he didn’t care And wouldn’t you know I go and fall in love with the same version of him, the man that was already married with his own little kid I hated myself for what I knew I was putting them through, although they never knew of me I had walked in their shoes I couldn’t be the reason that another child grew up feeling lost and unloved, all because I wasn’t given what I needed because I just wasn’t enough So, I let him go I tell myself that, but just like daddy he was already one foot out the door, after he shattered what was left of my heart and left nothing but bitter memories and nothing more I didn’t deserve the promises that were made, the false hope of the dreams that would never be, I didn’t deserve to be made to feel like I had finally found someone to love me I didn’t deserve to be betrayed, to be let down once again, but this time will be different I’m no longer a child I can withstand So go ahead and be like daddy and just walk away, and leave me here to pick up the pieces that you broke and replay all the words that you did say Leave me to question myself once again why everyone that I love leaves me, it’s alright go be like daddy, and be dead to me.