Just a Belief
Oh! Why didn’t I know earlier?
That I was being trodden into pain,
The pain that could leave my heart in unamendable pieces,
Pieces that are so difficult to forget the past,
The past that is now the painful present.
I believed and I believed and I believed,
Until my heart was in obsession of belief,
I believed and let my thoughts follow,
Follow as I digested each word that came from your mouth,
Whispering into my ears how ‘truly’ you loved me.
I believed when you shouted the word ‘affection,’
Into my ears, that were always there to listen to your lovely voice,
I believed when you whispered into my ears, “I love you,”
Yes I believed those words which made me crazy,
And slave to your false love.
I believed you when you promised to be with me “forever,”
I believed you the way Adam believed Eve,
And blindly he became, only to be driven out of Eden,
Because of the taste of the forbidden fruit,
I believed you too, and now I am out of that “paradise”
I believed you with all my soul,
Devoted myself to you as a slavery who seeks freedom from his master,
Only to be betrayed by the wrong perceptions of his master,
I believed you as a sinner, who partakes Holy Sacrament for redemption,
Only to find himself still entangled by the pains of his unforgiven sins.
I believed you with the whole of myself,
I believed you when you kissed me with your soft sweet lips,
Not knowing that it was Judas kiss that betrayed the Son of Man,
And that kiss also subjected me to unending pain,
That kiss… I wish I couldn’t feel your lips,
Yes, I believed you…
Followed you like a lost sheep that needed guidance and acceptance,
Decided to follow your path, because I saw love in you,
Love that blinded my heart,
And let me head to a destination of sorrow and long suffering.
I believed you my Love,
Nights never passed without a dream of your love evolving in my mind,
A day never passed without an image of your perfection streaming in my thoughts,
Every minute I loved you, cherished you, adored you,
But you have betrayed all my beliefs…
Left me to nurse the wounds of my dumb beliefs.
If only I would have known,
Known that my beliefs were bloody lies,
Lies that encrypted my heart to your slavery,
Slavery of “discipleship” in the name of love,
Love that only was infatuation,
I wouldn’t have said “YES.”
Just a belief?
I wish…
Copyright © Boygene Rabura | Year Posted 2015
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