Joy Deferred

I want to know joy, But I am afraid This is not how I am made Grief is a constant friend My heart is warm, Eyes are keen, I see others, Still,I feel unseen I play too small Do not know why Insightful, sensitive, reluctant to cry Need time alone To hear my heart, Answers are there, Painful to start My body is wise, it does not lie Must learn to listen, And not deny, Only then Fear aside Time to enjoy My elusive joy