Jailed

Tears fall like rain due to all the stupid little things left in your mind, All those things are to remind you of your bad decision to do this crime, So you will sit in your 5x10 cell and think about why you're doing time, Soon you will get out and start fresh, What is out there for you to find, It's all up to you to put yourself out here in the world, Life is blind, You could have been the best in the start, You missed the signs, Yes I do feel your pain, It was never too hard to see it in your eyes, I'm sorry you feel this way, When I'm not there I still hear your cries, I hate to go so soon, but I've just thrown the rest of my cares into the night... Miranda Lamberts contest By ScottS2011

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Jslambert Mister Roboto

Date: 6/1/2011 11:21:00 PM

You are wise, my young friend, for making the proper adjustments. (only one more I see...to hard=too hard.) I missed it the first time, unless you added this line. What you said is very true. You have the passion, but it is vital you come through with polished works. Now there are no real rules with poetry, but it is always advantageous for the poet to fix little unwanted mishaps. You will do well if you do. I sent this through twitter and the students. They will enjoy. Also 7up. Great effort!

The Fringe

Date: 6/1/2011 3:54:00 PM

I see that you can see that we're all prisioners in one way or another to cells, some defined some not. I can see here that you wish for the betterment of people. At the end I see you wish you could give more, but it can be hard. Perhaps this person is testing the boundaries and doesn't believe in our norms anymore. Perhaps this person has more courage than we do, as we play by the rules. Just a thought. You captured your concern and frustration here very well. Good write.

Jslambert Mister Roboto

Date: 5/31/2011 11:53:00 PM

do=due, your=you're, You=you (unless you meant it to have a cap), you pain= your pain, disregard "that" to make the sentence read: "I'm sorry you feel this way" Take your time editing. You are doing well at expressing yourself. For the contest make sure you have all corrections made. Remember, it's no problem to ask for help. Everyone on here will gladly help a new writer. We just happy to have you. You don't need to thank me! Make the adjustments before I rate and forward it. Good luck!

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

Date: 5/31/2011 7:00:00 AM

Scott this is excellent luv.. enter it into the Behind Bars Blues contest by Miranda Lambert on the contest page... give it a try ... your poetry gets read and noticed more frequently when entering and winning contests luv.. good luck...