Is This Normal

I CRY FOR THE PEOPLE I'VE LOST IN THIS LIFE AND GET SAD WHEN I THINK ABOUT EACH ONE THE WISHING AND WANTING IS SETTING IN NOW AND OF COURSE THAT FEELING OF REGRET IS NOT FUN THE "I SHOULD HAVE'S" ARE SHADOWED BY ANGER THAT IS LOOMING AROUND NOW IN MY HEAD AND DOES ANYONE ELSE EVER HAVE THE FEELING THAT THEY ARE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE DEAD? I WONDER AND QUESTION MY ACTIONS THAT LED UP TO THAT PARTICULAR DAY WHEN I LOST SOMEONE SO SPECIAL IN SUCH AN UNEXPLAINABLE WAY DOES ANYONE FEEL GUILTY FOR LIVING? OR WISH THEY WERE IN HEAVEN TOO? I'VE ASKED GOD A HUNDRED TIMES TO ANSWER IS THIS NORMAL WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH?