Inner Feelings
How do you feel? Is a question I hate
No point explaining; you cannot relate
I don’t want to talk I don’t want to share
You could be sincere I really don't care
What's on your mind? another **** line
Easily avoided by saying I'm fine
If I told you, you’d regret you had asked
My inner thoughts are carefully masked
with good reason they’re not to be shared
I don’t feel the need for my soul to be bared
The fondness and affection which I always came to give,
Has now gone away, simply doesn’t exist,
My mind is now contained by a deep and heavy mist-
Cant concentrate on others, nothing more I have to give,
My troubles are now amplified as I proceed to live
I don’t feel the security of a family anymore
Despising my sister even worse than before
Sick of the pretence hiding what should be said
Her insight of real life coming from something she read
Dad is no longer with this world neither is my mother
Before, mum and I could always rely on one another
I fear the inner dark thoughts that remain from my losses
Morbidly aware we all bare our crosses
its all out of my control which evokes Hatred I feel
the explosion of uncontrollable feelings are real
fine line breaks quickly between love and hate
am I now on the right path written in the hands of fate?
past relationships were fickle I falsely gave love to all
I've now created a hard callous wall
scared I cant love and alone I feel
intoxicated to mask what is real
Life teaches lessons that are not written anywhere
Choices decisions past mistakes we must bear
Endlessly trying to focus my attention to hope
Hope that I have reason to continue to cope.
Copyright © Ceri Louise Baylis | Year Posted 2015
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