In the Neuro-Pediatric Clinic, 2010
"He will progress toward retrogression."
The neuro-pediatrician uttered such after
reading the brain CT scan of our special child,
diagnosed with infantile spasm epilepsy. That was
16 years ago. Deafening silence enveloped me then.
My response to the physician, "Is it fatal"? seemed to choke
me, since death was the imminent and inevitable scenario that I visualized thereafter.
Confronted with the reality of grievous burden
looming over my shoulder, I was in a quandary to face
the lurking gloom shaking my vulnerability as a social worker.
Why? I was entrusted with the duty to manage the case of the child,
a "surrendered baby" to our residential facility, an infant who was given
birth by a teen-age girl who was a victim of sexual abuse by her biological father.
There was I, holding the ten-month-old boy,
praying for miracle, begging for God to intervene,
while becoming ambivalent of my own predicament,
beset with angst on how to handle the situation. Panic gripped
me, as I felt humidity defeating the air-conditioned clinic. I needed
good courage to surmount nervousness, resolving that I am committed
to do my best as a surrogate mother, even I am not a biological mother myself.
My choice to re-create this scene is prompted with gratitude to the Lord Who granted my prayer request. Our special child will be celebrating his 17th birthday on April 28. As regards the line that was hardest to write, it is: "My response to the physician, "Is it fatal"? seemed to choke me, since death was the imminent and inevitable scenario that I visualized thereafter." It is because, I saw myself as a hopeless life-builder, striving to be a blessing to those I minister in the orphanage; persevering to do well, yet I was questioning my role with “Am I called by God for this?” Meanwhile, I deleted this from my first draft: "Does the prognosis mean that he only has a maximum seven years to live?" Indeed, I thank the Lord Who is the source of life, even extending it, while assuring His gift of eternal life* to all.
*John 10:28-29 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.
March 2, 2026
8th place, "The Unrepeatable Moment" Poetry Writing Premiere Contest
Sponsored by Daniel Henry Rodgers; judged on 3/3/2026
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