I Won'T Be Home For Xmas

I won't be home not For Christmas nor for funerals not for birthdays Wanted to never see you on those days so hard to get through. When you abandoned the sweetness and chased your dream into the alley When you thought it best to see me cry! When your mind changed with the direction of the wind I stood there with spit on my fingertips... holding my hand in the air, Waiting for the winds of hope to blow your love and loyalty in my direction Home is a strange city where no one knows me. where no one will invite me to sit across the table and try to smile as I play with my stuffing on china with flowers As I remember the children laughing and opening gifts. I remember the long silent ride back to our house. I think back when I got on my knees before climbing into our cold bed The prayers just uttered coming back void. Ask God to just let you touch me again I needed your body-heat to keep warm. I needed your support to continue on for the sake of the commitment. For the sake of waiting for love to remind you Even if pity could hold you there... I would not be ashamed of what you sacrificed When love had given birth to pity- I would have held on without pride. Now I never want to come back to that town. Where no one cares that you don't love me. I am in remission. Alone but it's OK. Please tell our future to visit me. On the seashores. The sun warms me in my new home where no one knows me. All my old friends are dead and dying. So... I won't be home not For Christmas nor for funerals not for birthdays Wanted to never see you on those days so hard to get through. Just my spirit and the ocean. and one day tell our grandchildren Grandma will be here walking; With one finger in the air moistened with spit. to see which way the wind blows.