I Do Not Eat Salt
I do not eat salt, she says haughtily
Making me want to pour a salt shaker into my mouth
I appease myself by devouring a family sized bag of potato chips
Unsalted? Ha! Right!
Chocolate does not agree with me, she says in a superior way.
I pick up the twelve pound box and set it by my recliner
Ready to eat each and every piece while I watch
one of my favorite movies. I do not deprive myself.
I am watching my weight, she says.
Making me laugh and feel I have one-upped her
as she weighs less than eighty-nine pounds
and has no boobs thanks to no salt and no chocolate.
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