I Do Not Eat Salt

I do not eat salt, she says haughtily Making me want to pour a salt shaker into my mouth I appease myself by devouring a family sized bag of potato chips Unsalted? Ha! Right! Chocolate does not agree with me, she says in a superior way. I pick up the twelve pound box and set it by my recliner Ready to eat each and every piece while I watch one of my favorite movies. I do not deprive myself. I am watching my weight, she says. Making me laugh and feel I have one-upped her as she weighs less than eighty-nine pounds and has no boobs thanks to no salt and no chocolate.