How Many Times

How many times I killed you how many times I died how many times I fought others with you in my unconscious mind how many times I went crazy trying to unfold the lies which I had to tell myself in old times... How many times I run away from places when they felt like home and I wrote the same poems and listened the same songs and I felt the same fear of when you left me alone not knowing what to do not knowing where to go... How many times I tried to gain your ancient love by pleasing everybody until I broke and I found myself empty again inside my shattered walls inside a fragmented life that it was long gone. Jessica