How Many Times

How many times I killed you
how many times I died
how many times I fought others
with you in my unconscious mind
how many times I went crazy
trying to unfold the lies 
which I had to tell myself 
in old times...

How many times I run away from places
when they felt like home
and I wrote the same poems
and listened the same songs
and I felt the same fear
of when you left me alone
not knowing what to do
not knowing where to go...

How many times I tried
to gain your ancient love
by pleasing everybody 
until I broke
and I found myself empty again
inside my shattered walls 
inside a fragmented life
that it was long gone.

Jessica
Copyright © | Year Posted 2023

Poem

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