Holy Water
Holy water, like kerosene cooking on low.
An inflamed brain, waiting on the blow.
A member of the insane—deacons of disdain—
Dangling from faith that both sustains and drains.
Delusional people dot the landscape below,
Faded dreams in fields of gold.
Floating into broken streams
Of consciousness,
Missing pieces of sleep,
Adrift in the fog of rationality,
Oozing out of broken skin—
Blemish bombs of sin.
The ecstasy of surrender,
That moment when my body is only a barrier
Between me and the divine.
I can’t outrun the looking back—
Into our last laugh,
The last word,
One last breath.
Carry me over to the other side
Of damage done.
Our hit and run—but we remained.
Together framed,
Redone and rejoined.
Twins, conjoined, we used to say.
We should always stay that way.
Pews with holes, fitting for an eye,
Made by the projectile flying in from the aisle.
Take me to the levy,
Where I will run dry of anything worthwhile—
To say,
To be,
To haunt,
To flee.
Oh, drop me in the water.
Dip me in the river.
Skip me like a stone
To the shore of your absolution.
I will try so hard.
I’ve yearned so long,
Waiting in this communion gown—
White satin to the ground.
Needing help from a neighbor,
A perfect stranger,
A hardened heart—
Until you melted.
Then you flooded the baptismal canyon.
Blood in reserve,
On duty, on hold,
Waiting for the moment
To release,
To repent,
To let it all out again.
I was once sure of what to do—
What we needed,
Where we should be.
Friends by nature,
More by circumstance,
By the despair landed in our laps
Like a weighted Bible of dread.
A sacrificial lamb in the bed.
I only know I love you.
I only know I care.
This heart of mine—
Jagged, full of landmines.
Rosary hanging on the markers
That bear names of friends forgone—
Soulmates turned foe.
But I will never turn on you,
Even if my mouth says I do.
The world is a cruel nursery,
Growing evil people.
Tell me—
There will be relief.
Come to my side,
Dripping roses in your hands,
Looking straight at the barren sky,
Hoping it doesn’t land
Straight on your open head,
Misshaped from dread
You once silenced
By drinking lead fuel.
Talking like martyrs at the stake
Before the flame awakes.
I only know I need you
To guide me through
The forest of enchanting sorrow,
Reflecting happiness in moments of rays—
Light dancing around the leaves.
You need the dark to understand its plight.
Clairvoyance comes at night, then awakens the light.
You need the sadness to feel the joy.
You need hopelessness to save.
Pain to relieve.
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