Here I Wait

If I would have only known The day you left would be the last. The last time I would see your smile, Hear your voice, hear you laugh. If I would have only known. What would I do differently? What could I, even if I could? Nothing... I could do nothing. Or even worse, I may have held on to you so tightly. That you would have wanted to pull away. I would have cried and mourned your loss. Before you even left that day. I would have tried to save you With every fiber of my being. Only to ultimately fail and lose you, With only myself to hate and blame! You left on a Tuesday morning. I thought that you'd be back. I thought that we had more time. I always thought we had more time. Looking back, I should have known All the signs were there. Maybe I was willfully ignorant. Regardless, I was unprepared. I always knew this day would come. I just never expected it to come so soon. I often wondered how I would handle it. Apparently alone, In a tear filled room. Now you're gone, And everything I use to love is a painful reminder that you're not here. I miss you more and more as days go by, and every memory of you is chased down my cheek by tears. If I would have only known. But deep down, I always did. You told me once that you weren't afraid to die. What you feared was not to live. I don't know if I believe in God or heaven. Or if people just made them up to help them cope. I may have lost my faith. But for you my love, I will always hold on to hope. So here I wait....