Here I Wait
If I would have only known
The day you left would be the last.
The last time I would see your smile,
Hear your voice, hear you laugh.
If I would have only known.
What would I do differently?
What could I, even if I could?
Nothing...
I could do nothing.
Or even worse, I may have held on to you so tightly. That you would have wanted to pull away.
I would have cried and mourned your loss. Before you even left that day.
I would have tried to save you
With every fiber of my being.
Only to ultimately fail and lose you,
With only myself to hate and blame!
You left on a Tuesday morning.
I thought that you'd be back.
I thought that we had more time.
I always thought we had more time.
Looking back, I should have known
All the signs were there.
Maybe I was willfully ignorant.
Regardless, I was unprepared.
I always knew this day would come.
I just never expected it to come so soon.
I often wondered how I would handle it. Apparently alone, In a tear filled room.
Now you're gone,
And everything I use to love is a painful reminder that you're not here.
I miss you more and more as days go by, and every memory of you is chased down my cheek by tears.
If I would have only known.
But deep down, I always did.
You told me once that you weren't afraid to die. What you feared was not to live.
I don't know if I believe in God or heaven. Or if people just made them up to help them cope. I may have lost my faith. But for you my love, I will always hold on to hope.
So here I wait....
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