Jack Jordan Poet Haiku

Haiku 68

Haiku 68
		
		
	storms raging
	breached levees of sanity
	lives swept away
	
	
	rain-swollen river
	lost in swirling darkness
	madness in their eyes


	receding waters
	absent, some forgotten
	voids where they once were
	

	my awakened heart

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Andrea Dietrich July 20, 2013 at 2:33 PM glad to see you felt the same about this. Jack Jordan July 20, 2013 at 3:23 PM There was a growing consensus, so I deleted it. Again, thanks for your opinion, both you and Richard... Jack

Richard Lamoureux July 19, 2013 at 7:11 AM I'm with Andrea I also prefer this poem, kinda the less is more concept. Both are good but this one forces the mind to dig where the other one leaves the diamonds on top of the ground and robs the reader of the wonder of discovery.

Andrea Dietrich July 19, 2013 at 1:27 AM something about the format I guess, makes me like this one best. Jack Jordan July 19, 2013 at 7:29 AM I agree... Thanks for the critique. Writing two versions was an experiment, and I learned a lot from doing so... Jack

Anne-Lise Andresen July 18, 2013 at 1:53 PM - Super !!! - Well done Jack. - oxox // Anne-Lise :) Jack Jordan July 18, 2013 at 1:55 PM Thanks, as always... Jack

Poet Tacito July 18, 2013 at 1:49 PM Beautifu & powerful in its tides. Jack Jordan July 18, 2013 at 1:54 PM Thanks, Drake. I'm glad you liked the water metaphor... Jack