Haiku

Man in a black hat
He’s angry; his life bores him
Sleet begins to fall

on work and workinghaiku

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Poet Destroyer A

August 16, 2013 at 5:51 PM

here's your first soup Haiku,.. great imagery, and ending action. :-) :-)...Linda

Jack Jordan

August 16, 2013 at 6:11 PM

Thanks. I hope I've learned something about haiku since this one. Lots of folks have been kind enough to advise me along the way... Jack

Debbie Guzzi

July 26, 2013 at 10:38 AM

[he sputters red faced/ as him dons his hat and leaves -- sleet falls] try to SHOW anger not tell us he is angry, see? Light & Love [also stick to showing one thing show him bored OR angry LIght & Love

Jack Jordan

July 26, 2013 at 10:49 AM

Yes, I see what you mean. Thanks as always... Jack

Debbie Guzzi

July 26, 2013 at 10:39 AM

even doning the hat & the second action leaving is a bit too much stick to 1 action, and 1 subject it's just safer