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Haiku 19 Barn Life

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Andrea Dietrich had made a marvelous suggestion that some of my haiku (the plural for haiku is haiku – must be a Japanese thing!) might be better presented as a tanka. Below is a haiku – how I would attempt it and then again using a tanka approach. I don’t know which one I like better . . . if you are so inclined . . . let me know your thoughts.

All the best and live generously.

Haiku Form hay, manure, cows a low long bellow -- ancient birthing call, s w o o s h . . . life Tanka Form barn filled with hay, cows moist heat, the smell of manure wet nose, brown eyes --- time a hard bellow, the birth cry final push . . . s w o o s h, miracle dedicated to Mary Jo, you rock country girl! David Meade

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Mahtab Bangalee

Date: 11/27/2018 4:16:00 AM

Great writing - one theme in two forms of poetry- beautifully written

David Meade
Date: 11/27/2018 8:46:00 AM

Thank-you kind sir -- will be back at you!! All the best, live generously!

Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty

Date: 1/18/2015 10:45:00 AM

You can do miracles with short forms. Same thing in haiku and tanka effect is different.Love>>>rajat

Rhonda Johnson-Saunders

Date: 11/28/2014 11:30:00 AM

You have mastered these short forms. You have all the elements of a traditional haiku - seasonal, nature, a snapshot in time. I really love it and the tanka adds to the scene...I'm trying to work on a monuku for Rick's contest...not coming yet. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving with lots of snow angels. The closest I get to snow is the poems. Hugs, Rhonda

Maurice Yvonne

Date: 11/24/2014 3:06:00 PM

My feeling is that you write great poems, haiku, tanka or free verse, doen't matter much to me what you call them as long as keep writing them. Fav.

Paul Callus

Date: 11/9/2014 3:14:00 PM

Both are good and swooshy! ..but I can see that the tanka gave your more space for elaboration. // The dedication was a perfect merited choice! // paul

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 11/6/2014 11:24:00 PM

hey, two for one. NEAT idea, and I enjoyed the read.

Matthew Anish

Date: 11/5/2014 7:00:00 PM

I can see you are a big fan of this Asian form. I once published a couple in Postcard Collector. Thanks a lot for your kind words about my holiday and my haiku. Peace &Love Matthew Anish

David Meade
Date: 11/5/2014 9:11:00 PM

Thank-you my friend -- I look forward to reading more of your works. All the best.

Sara Kendrick

Date: 11/5/2014 9:43:00 AM

I think I like the Tanka form better..You choice though for you are the author...Way to go..Thanks for the visits to my page..Sara

David Meade
Date: 11/5/2014 10:08:00 PM

I think the Tanka did allow for more atmosphere surrounding the birth -- it was fun writing both! Thanks for visiting the barn!!

Liam Mcdaid

Date: 11/5/2014 8:27:00 AM

very beautifully crafted piece david excellent pen

David Meade
Date: 11/5/2014 10:09:00 PM

Spending summers on the farm did give me an education!! Thanks for visiting, you are a good friend.

Cupids Arrow

Date: 11/5/2014 8:16:00 AM

I love both haiku and tanka.When I find some time I read more of them.Excellent David !

David Meade
Date: 11/5/2014 10:10:00 PM

It was fun doing both side by side . . . thank-you for your kind visit. All the best.

Jan Allison

Date: 11/4/2014 12:47:00 PM

I love both forms you have penned David and Mary Jo is such a lovely country girl to dedicate them to:-) Hugs Jan xx

David Meade
Date: 11/4/2014 9:27:00 PM

Thanks Jan, she is a card. All the best.

Demetrios Trifiatis

Date: 11/4/2014 10:25:00 AM

No better person to dedicate such a fine verse, David!

David Meade
Date: 11/4/2014 9:31:00 PM

She is a gem and you kind sir, are a generous gentleman!!

Dorian Petersen Potter

Date: 11/4/2014 10:09:00 AM

Very beautiful dedication to Mary Jo, David! Truly enjoyed it! Cheers! :) Xxxx D.

David Meade
Date: 11/4/2014 9:32:00 PM

Thank-you Ms. Potter -- you are a faithful friend. Enjoyed your poems today. All the best.