Terry Flood Poet Rhyme

Gustybot Melly - Not For Refined Folk

This is the story of Gustybot Melly
His really small nose and his very large belly
He'd finished the biscuits, the cake and the jelly
And munched all the crisps like the ones on the telly

And when he was finished young Gustybot Melly
Went down to the shops where he emptied the deli
And when a loud rumble came out of his belly
The next thing that happened was horribly smelly

It gassed a Dalmatian and poisoned a duck
A policeman that shouted got smothered in muck
It set off a smoke alarm, blew down a wall
And toppled a tree that was forty foot tall

As people ran home, they were holding their noses,
“We're not putting any of that on our roses.”
He understood something was terribly wrong
But his very small nose could not smell the pong

The mind numbing stink killed two bats and a bee
Then a cat and a pigeon fell out of a tree
Whilst under the sea in a deep ocean trench
Two cod and a kipper succumbed to the stench

Then Gustybot saw a man holding his nose
Was heading his way with a very long hose,
“You've poisoned my wife, and my hideous daughter.”
And then he let rip with a torrent of water

Soggy and dripping, he thought he might drown
As the puddles beneath him got deeper... and brown
The man said, “We’ve voted to get rid of you
For walking around with your pants full of poo.”

Gustybot gasped and he let out a belch,
“So now I know why when I sit down I squelch.”

The man's scruffy daughter was not in fact dead
She'd just nodded off scratching fleas off her head
She now left the house in a dress filthy dirty
And shocked everyone when she got a bit flirty

She saw he was shy and not very proud
So she passed wind with gusto and belched really loud
And Gustybot wondered why all of his life
He'd waited so long for this chance of a wife

The girl stuck a finger up into her nose
And that was the reason that this girl he chose.
“Sorry,” she said, “but I've not had my lunch.”
Then she pulled out a bogey and started to munch

Gustybot made up his mind to propose
To the girl who now squeezed the big spot on her nose
She said, “I'm so glad that it's me you should choose,
Because after all you just pood on my shoes.”

And that's how a fellow called Gustybot Melly
Got himself wed to a girl who was smelly
He offered his ring cos he loved her to bits 
And swooned when it turned out they both had the squits

The caterers served up a hot vindaloo
So they spent all their wedding night dripping in poo
And once they had nothing but gas in their guts
They flew into space spurting flames from their butts.

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