God's Mirror

it always starts out as a dream, you wish, you search, you see the truth, and when u look in the mirror, you've lost yourself somewhere along the way, and the heartaches attatched to the addictions are far too comfortable to stay, it's when we probe, it's when were submissive, in our train of thought we become naked and passive, to see ourselves in a new way, god's way, and how we long to learn to get away, we tell ourselves we can't help but do these dispicable things, for this is all we've known, this is all we've seen, but the lord sees different, he sees past the fashad, he sees our true efforts in the great search for god, we see trials, we see facing our fears, he sees blessings, he sees what is real, we beat ourselves silly until we come to see, that it is not ourselves we beat, but our sense of false reality, take it all away, lord, for this is not me, i want to feel what you feel, i want to see what u see, there's a desperation in your voice, are u starting to see, that u subconciously know that these addictions were not meant to be, no quick fix will stop the pain, even while u feel the comfort as it's pumped into your veins, and yet god stands, he waits, he holds your hand, and gives u grace, he quietly knocks, and u open the door, and u receive a package that promises i'm here to give u more, i won't twist your arm, will u please take what i give, for if u willingly receive, a new life u will live, as i clench my fist, and reluctantly take this package, i move to release sin's grip, as i slowly unwrap it, i start to see one step at a time, that i am no longer my own, i am no longer mine, i fall to the ground as tears sting my eyes, what lead me here now, why lord, why, why not yesterday or the day before, he replied "you had to experience the world to know there was more"