From Afghanistan

We have done this many times But it is never the same Each time I lose a bigger piece of myself And it hurts more Don't think I haven't thought of stepping away from this Just to save us from this torture of days, weeks, and months Sometimes years of praying I come back whole But you know I can't walk away from who I am Even if it has the power to destroy us By taking me suddenly and violently from you So I make you fill God's ears nonstop For days, weeks, and months And sometimes years because you can't live without me Since I need you I always carry your waterproof image All tattered with bent edges from using its beauty as a replacement For the ugliness of this New Democratic World I have to help build And nourish to an independent standing while it is still immersed in brutal hate Its a depleting task that is threatening to throw me in dark deep places Tarnish who I am with what I will never be able talk about And keep me up late at night trying not the think too loudly Hoping that I won't disturb the sweet dreams you can still have While I have to drink until I can find my dreams in the bottle But I will always be able to tell you that most times it hurts to breathe here Sometimes in these times I don't want to But I still take in the bone dust-filled air Which always seem to reek of old death and the impossibility of life Rid myself of my all my senses and pull out memories of you Only then do I decide I can breathe in deep Because now I have what I need to survive A pleasant scent of what I want...you This is how it has to be We have done this many times It is never the same I just needed you to know that each and every time The job maybe for the sake of freedom, justice and peace But I am always fighting to return with just a little wear and tear Just so I can come back as whole as I can for you from Afghanistan © Janica V. Williams