Fear of Happiness

Happiness is something I always fear, To me ,It is far away and never near, Patient waiting for over severals years. Happiness comes, but quickly disappears. Few days of joy , followed by years of sorrows, Will I ever get to see a happy tomorrow? I am happy to be sad ,it forms my routine, Cant just keep wiping my tears umpteen. A moment of joy forces me to worry, Any huge sorrow ,to make me teary? My tears have dried now and let them be, I am happy to be sad , as sad can be. Smiles and laughter, not meant for me, Darkness and sorrows are my cup of tea, I fear happiness , it kills me. Life is mourning,and thats it for me.