Evil Christmas Elf and I

The evil Christmas elf snuck out of bed Gave me a swift kick on the side of my head I said what the heck? Now he was biting my neck. My husband was snoring away while I was a wreck. I screamed so loudly, I should have woken up the dead. But not my snoring husband, for he was well overfed. The elf gave me a look of hatred that made me feel scared. I was pretty much alone with her, fighting for my life and no one cared. We began a battle, that evil devil of a Christmas elf and I. He was slamming me in the head with a brick, yelling “DIE!” I ran to the kitchen and got a piece of pumpkin pie. Popped him into it, and shoved him in the freezer way up high. The next day the kids looked all over for that diabolical elf. I did not show them the freezer or point out the shelf. Believe it or not, that creepy devil had climbed out the back. Unplugged the electronics, and stole our baby Jack. Where could he be? The kids asked, not seeing the note. I found it and could not believe he had cartooned a goat. And a picture of him throwing Jack in the river. I knew he’d do it too, so I started to quiver. I am just kidding, elf yelled from the top of the tree. He threw baby Jack down. I caught him at my left knee. I am the boss, the elf told me, and I have my own coven. Double cross me, and you will wake up tomorrow in your own oven.