Every Day

Anything goes Alkas, but never anything evil; trust me. But it's enough for me. I'm getting old and tired of this lol. Thanks Alkas.

I've always embraced death. As a kid I wanted to be a grave digger.

...but have been obsessed with death since I was a child, unable to sleep sweating the concept of nothingness. Death a recurring theme in school projects. I have long found it comforting to be able to end your all; no other species so gifted. (unless that's what beaching whales are doing) And death still scares the shit out of me.

I've only seriously contemplated twice, once in the pit of despair, t'other, truly gutteral l'appel du vide, scared the crap out of me~ decided on spot I was not to go out without my dog. Cheers to 20, 20, 20, if the world hasn't burned (my muse is stewing a climate vs economy cook off) ;), xomo!

Hey Maureen, I'm retiring next September. I told my wife I'm going back to my life of hitting the road. It would be great to meet you. Keep your calender open for anything after September 20th 2020. (See a numerical pattern there 20 20 20; hmmmm. Meant to be so safety Kabbalah.

Don't think or do that Maureen. I am presently comfortable with the meds I take, but suicide only crossed my mind twice, and only recently. Maureen may I suggest, maybe you already have heard his music; but please YouTube Nick Drake. He is one of the "27" Club, and unfortunately died because of what you are saying. I think the shame with Nick Drake is he should have listened to his own music and realized how beautiful. THAT is what you need to do Maureen, look at your poetry and then realize how much it means to others. I hold you on a high pedestal; so don't fall off lol please.

As you know, I've been working on balancing my own brain chemistry, have always been afraid of psychiatrists medicating willy nilly, my will is so strong I fear I might take my own life on the wrong drug.

And an extra dose of HUGS.

I believe you. The bells are ringing in my brain. (tennitis aside) I may have told you this before, psychiatrists are the only medical specialists that virtually never look at the organ they treat. Check out Daniel Amen's Ted Talk, what 83000 brainscans taught us. <3

My psychiatrist and I differ on opinions as to my "ailment" or using the German word "gift" which translates to English as " poison"(check it out- really). He doesn't seem to grasp the idea of me constantly thinking. Imagine that; but add on a sound track that is always playing in my maddening head ( right now Jefferson Airplain playing Dick Cavet "Don't You Want Somebody to Love"). He can't grasp it. So a pill for this and one for that because it seems my brain isn't producing certain chemicals. Looking back, it has been all my life. Sad.