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Eve moon

Eve moon as twilight Glow as sun a fame of Cloud Passing by makes the Orb seems to move till It inch by inch vanished Within cloudy sky This is my first time to give haiku a try please criticize I want to learn it heart.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2015




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Date: 10/29/2015 5:57:00 PM
Hiya A.M.! They say that haiku don't get a title, and no capital letters either. Don't take this AS criticism, only constructive assistance. Great haiku for your first try. Senyru is haiku in form only not about nature in nature. More of life in general topics. Thanks for your comment as well!
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Date: 10/13/2015 7:52:00 AM
longest time friend. You've just exhibited to the highest quality exactly what I have missed in here for months. Your lines are so exciting and your words are each having that second hand of drawing me back to them again and again and again irrespective of how many times I have gone through them. Its nice to be home and you are part of the reason I have this refreshing feeling. A definite 7. Cheers!
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Date: 9/15/2015 10:11:00 PM
This is a visual delight! Your poem lifts me into an atmosphere ancient, mysterious, and metaphysical. These mighty orbs like to hide themselves from time to time. Your work, as always is very intellectually stimulating Afolabi...J.A.B. A FAV!
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Date: 9/12/2015 7:59:00 AM
Enjoyed reading your work..There are two kinds of Haiku..One is traditional and the other modern so that determines the content..You can read about them on the internet..Thanks for stopping by my work "Reaching Out"..I have added some to the work if you care to read more..Sara
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Date: 9/11/2015 8:38:00 AM
This is what haiku is all about. Enjoyed. Skat
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Date: 9/10/2015 2:07:00 PM
I haven't written many haiku myself, so I couldn't give you much advice on them. But, the ending line of the first should end there and not continue into the next haiku... A good try at this tough form, Afolabi. The imagery is very nice!
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Date: 9/10/2015 10:35:00 AM
Hi Afolabi. The imagery is lovely, but it is not haiku. I agree with what Andrea said. Haiku is not easy to write; I myself am still trying to get to grips with it. The idea is to keep on reading and trying! All the best! // paul
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Date: 9/10/2015 1:46:00 AM
Afolabi nice try and nice imagery however I see some syllables that aren't in the rules for haiku... I too struggle in this form.. =') but try and try until we succeed anyhow.. ~Olive Eloisa
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Date: 9/10/2015 12:16:00 AM
I would agree with what Peter said. you can't carry one line from the first one down into the next one. Every line needs to be a phrase, usually separated from the previous one. I enjoyed your imagery. You should just google modern Haiku and read a bunch of them. that will really give you a good idea how to do them (most of us at Soup are not writing them correctly all the time).
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Date: 9/9/2015 5:58:00 PM
I agree with Scott the final line of the first haiku needs to be worked on - maybe ask Andrea Dietrich to advise you - great first attempt I struggle with this form:-) hugs jan xx
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Date: 9/9/2015 1:42:00 PM
A great imagery with a nice haiku. Loved always my lovely friend,bl
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Date: 9/9/2015 7:29:00 AM
I love the images you have here. But your first haiku is incomplete, maybe you could have said, "the passing clouds"? Don't be too ridged on the 5/7/5 syllable count, as that is only an English language adaption of the traditional Japanese structure. But do keep the lines short/long/short. Great start for haiku, keep them up.
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Date: 9/9/2015 6:58:00 AM
I saw your Eve Moon through your eyes, Afolabi, a beautiful image vanishing in the clouds. Beauty is transit and fleeting so we are fortunate to catch glimpses of it in God's glorious world of wonders. And thank you for visiting my poem. ~~Darlene
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Afolabi Muideen
Date: 9/11/2015 3:51:00 PM
Thank you very much for pleasant comment
Date: 9/9/2015 4:02:00 AM
- I love writing and reading haiku poetry :) - ..... and this is great, Afolabi - hugs // Anne-Lise :)
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Afolabi Muideen
Date: 9/11/2015 3:40:00 PM
Thank you for your pleasant comment I do appreciate it
Date: 9/9/2015 1:54:00 AM
Afolabi nice imagery, I liked it. Congratulations on your first haiku
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Afolabi Muideen
Date: 9/11/2015 3:29:00 PM
Thank you for dropped by to read and comment to my page.