Drowning towards you
I am drowning.
not because I cannot swim,
not because the raft is out of sight,
but because I keep reaching for you.
And no matter how far I sink,
you seem to drift further
just beyond the reach of everything I have left to give.
I find myself questioning
whether you were ever really there at all
or if I am slowly becoming paranoid, delusional,
lost in something I can no longer name.
Because every time I think I’ve found you,
every time I feel close enough to breathe again,
you vanish
like something that was never meant
to be held.
Sometimes I look up,
toward the surface,
and I think about letting go.
But then I hear you
faint, distant,
calling out to me.
And suddenly,
I am drowning all over again.
It is exhausting
this cycle of reaching,
of losing,
of hoping.
And maybe…
it is easier to drown
than to keep swimming toward something
that keeps slipping away.
Or maybe
somewhere between the depths and the surface
I have lost myself entirely.
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