Driveway Pain
Thoughts of you fill my head as I drive to a house that no longer feels like home and I dread pulling into the driveway because the second I do I am reminded I am alone.
I unlock the doors and step inside sometimes still expecting to see you waiting. Then the pain rushes through my bones and I have to push it aside when all I want to do is share with you the memories I am creating.
I had to start without you and I am a whole new person with a life you wouldn’t recognize and I don’t know why I try to find the part that hurts the most because it can’t be specified.
My life is sad and forever missing someone I can no longer feel is a talked about void I was glad I never had and never thought could be real.
I struggle to picture your face and hear your voice. Time is so unfair when it has the ability to erase and leave you with no choice.
No choice but to let go and pretend like it was easy, but easy does not exist when you’ve lost all you’ve known and hate being deceiving.
I can lie and lie and lie and convince someone that I am OK, but without you by my side I fight so hard to make it through another day.
The years fly by and good days do come and bad days go, but honestly no amount of time will ever be enough for me to never have the sorrow.
Because everything reminds me of you and I can’t stop myself from thinking, but what more can I do when I’m still in the process of breaking?
And that’s why I dread pulling into my driveway to a house that no longer feels like home because as I pass your grave every day I am reminded that without you I am alone.
In loving memory of my mom.
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