Dream

As time stops So does my heart. The beat, the sound More important love I lose my breath The puke in my veins. My heart and soul Gone away. I open my eyes Start screaming for help It was all just a dream I hope. Look down and Laying there in my bed I'm as still as a rock Cold and dead.

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Raul Moreno

Date: 3/6/2013 11:39:00 PM

Nice work, this seems to be more of a free verse rather than a haiku. I see a correction on the second stanza, I think you meant dream. I hope you can handle constructive criticism.

Briana Lynn Minard-Adler
Date: 3/8/2013 11:29:00 AM

Lol oh my gosh, yes thank you, I fixed it, thank you Raul and Chase. :)

Chase Rhinehart
Date: 3/7/2013 12:57:00 PM

i agree, its still a good poem.

Chase Rhinehart

Date: 3/6/2013 11:29:00 PM

Nice.

Briana Lynn Minard-Adler
Date: 3/8/2013 11:29:00 AM

Thanks :)