Dream

As time stops
So does my heart.
The beat, the sound
More important love
I lose my breath
The puke in my veins.
My heart and soul
Gone away.

I open my eyes
Start screaming for help
It was all just a dream
I hope.

Look down and
Laying there in my bed
I'm as still as a rock
Cold and dead.

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Raul Moreno

Date: 3/6/2013 11:39:00 PM

Nice work, this seems to be more of a free verse rather than a haiku. I see a correction on the second stanza, I think you meant dream. I hope you can handle constructive criticism.

Briana Lynn Minard-Adler
Date: 3/8/2013 11:29:00 AM

Lol oh my gosh, yes thank you, I fixed it, thank you Raul and Chase. :)

Chase Rhinehart
Date: 3/7/2013 12:57:00 PM

i agree, its still a good poem.

Chase Rhinehart

Date: 3/6/2013 11:29:00 PM

Nice.

Briana Lynn Minard-Adler
Date: 3/8/2013 11:29:00 AM

Thanks :)