Disturbed Minds

DISTURBED MINDS

Pete was a handsome young boy, only fifteen years of age,
Had PSYCHOSIS, his reality severely distorted, a mental disorder,
Felt that his brain was contained in a wrought iron cage, 
Knew that ultimately, his life would be harder and shorter!

Pete’s father, was the local village mayor, his mother a social worker,
His father had influence and could exercise force, he had LEVERAGE,
After a FRAGMENT of conversation, promising his son was no shirker,
Secured him a job with the carpenter, a daily lunch and a beverage!

Pete would BEVEL, making slopes and angles in wood and stonework,
But was disturbed, his mind chaotic, could see it in his eyes,
He met Kylie, a young girl with the same condition, this did perk
Pete a little, visited a DERELICT house, confused, neither world wise!

They often discussed how different and unwanted and crazy they were,
And came to a firm decision, a determined blood RESOLUTION,
They would die together, and hugged and kissed, their beings astir,
No more meds, feeling bad or ugly stares, they would find a solution!
	
They made love, not knowing why, and began quickly walking home,
Passed a SINKHOLE, so dark and deep, if water could find a route,
To disappear, so could they, jumped in, so no longer did aimlessly roam,
Life was a cheat, gave a wrong ILLUSION, no one heard either shout!

EIGHT WORD CHALLENGE POETRY CONTEST
SPONSOR KAI MICHAEL NEUMANN

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019



Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Date: 6/18/2019 3:30:00 PM
Nicely done; I usually do not even try on these contests; too restricted for me. Good luck in the contest my friend.
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/19/2019 2:26:00 AM
Thank-you Caren, I only read the last rule after my submission of this poem that there was a restriction of 16 lines and mine are 20 - I enjoyed writing this poem very much, as these unfortunate people are always close to my heart. Hugs, Jennifer.
Date: 6/14/2019 4:06:00 AM
- A heartbreaking poem ... really skillfully written my soul friend - Best wishes in the contest :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/14/2019 4:16:00 AM
Hi Sunshine Smile - I think I made my poem too long - we'll see - thank you for your wishes. Hugs, Jennifer.
Date: 6/13/2019 8:25:00 PM
G'day Jennifer … the feeling of hopelessness and despair can lead to situations like this, so your poem Jennifer depicts how two with like mind problems find a solution - thank you Jennifer - Lindsay
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/14/2019 1:23:00 AM
Thank you Lindsay, my heart goes out to people in this predicament - lonely, sad souls. Thank you for a thoughtful comment as always Lindsay! Hugs, Jennifer.
Date: 6/13/2019 2:54:00 PM
ohh, a stirring storyline reflecting ' noir' depiction of a troubled mind, dear jen... you make greeat thrillers.. and yes, i missed your poems too... i was on a health-break... huggs
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/13/2019 3:21:00 PM
A little deep and dark I must admit, unhappy souls that drift through life often without a loving family to support the, so suicide is a comfortable option for them! Thank-you for an awesome comment my friend, may your poetry forever flourish! Hope you feel on top of the world after your break, I think i'm also nearing a break! Hugs, Jennifer
Date: 6/13/2019 6:40:00 AM
Very heartbreaking write. Well penned. Thanks for sharing it.
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/13/2019 3:23:00 PM
a heartbreaking ailment Ravi - sad and desperate souls that found comfort in the decision they took together. Thank-you for visiting, Best wishes, Jennifer.
Date: 6/12/2019 3:35:00 PM
So powerful and sad piece Jenny, you pen this so well taking us through the emotions evident in it all. Have a blessed evening, Gordon
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/13/2019 12:35:00 AM
It is very heart rending to live with someone who is terminally ill. They break your heart a little everyday. Thank-you Gordon, have a blessed day. Hugs, Jennifer.
Date: 6/12/2019 1:20:00 PM
Blessings to you as well.;0)
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/12/2019 2:14:00 PM
xxx
Date: 6/12/2019 1:16:00 PM
You have a flowing ink that captures the soul of the stories and catches your avid reader's imagination and attention! You amaze with the quality and quantity of love your reader can feel while reading your work of art! A poet in heart and a beauty in mind! A great pleasure to read, dearest Jenny.. warmest wishes, love and hugs.
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/12/2019 2:13:00 PM
Besma dear friend - I miss your presence in poetic form on poetry soup - but I feel the presence of your soul always - thank -you for a wonderful comment dear soul sister - may you be blessed always. Jenny xxx
Date: 6/11/2019 11:45:00 PM
NOW I'm totally convinced you could write many intoxicating, riveting short stories! I was involved whole-heartedly all the way thru. Good luck in the contest (such hard words!) and all else! Poetry hugs ... CayCay
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/12/2019 1:04:00 PM
I'm happy you enjoyed this poem CayCay - thanks for your wishes - a real challenge. Hugs Jennifer.
Date: 6/11/2019 10:43:00 PM
Disturbed and disturbing story... intriguing way of meeting the challenge. Best wishes, Gershon
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/12/2019 1:02:00 PM
Hi Gershon, Psychosis is a disturbing ailment - must be very lonely people trapped in mental torture - thanks for a thoughtful comment Gershon - keep well, Hugs, Jennifer.
Date: 6/11/2019 5:19:00 PM
This is quite the story. Well done!
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/12/2019 12:57:00 PM
Thank-you for an encouraging comment Richard - blessings and hugs, Jennifer.
Date: 6/11/2019 3:38:00 PM
Well done! I agree, powerful and sad. Creatively written :)
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/12/2019 12:56:00 PM
Thank you for a lovely comment Heidi - a terrible ailment - Psychosis - suicidal thoughts probably rife in many! Hugs, Jennifer.
Date: 6/11/2019 3:08:00 PM
Avery sad but powerful poem, Jennifer! I wish you well in the contest.
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/12/2019 12:51:00 PM
Thank-you Ralph, I made one or two alterations but I think too late! I enjoyed the challenge. Hugs, Jennifer.
Date: 6/11/2019 12:47:00 PM
WOW! This feels so real and heartbreaking my friend..you are quite a storyteller, Jennifer. They genuinely bonded together for the same cause..well written.
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/12/2019 8:53:00 AM
Yup, it was destined they meet to plan their own sad fate - dreadful disease - thank you Vijay for a terrific comment, hugs and blessings, Jennifer.
Date: 6/11/2019 12:02:00 PM
Wow, Jennifer, quite a story to meet the challenge! Hugs...Kim
Login to Reply
Proxenos Avatar
Jennifer Proxenos
Date: 6/12/2019 8:51:00 AM
Thanks Kim - I took a bit longer doing it but enjoyed the challenge, always up for one! Hugs, Jennifer.
Get a Premium Membership
Get more exposure for your poetry and more features with a Premium Membership.
Book: Radiant Verses: A Journey Through Inspiring Poetry

Member Area

My Admin
Profile and Settings
Edit My Poems
Edit My Quotes
Edit My Short Stories
Edit My Articles
My Comments Inboxes
My Comments Outboxes
Soup Mail
Poetry Contests
Contest Results/Status
Followers
Poems of Poets I Follow
Friend Builder

Soup Social

Poetry Forum
New/Upcoming Features
The Wall
Soup Facebook Page
Who is Online
Link to Us

Member Poems

Poems - Top 100 New
Poems - Top 100 All-Time
Poems - Best
Poems - by Topic
Poems - New (All)
Poems - New (PM)
Poems - New by Poet
Poems - Read
Poems - Unread

Member Poets

Poets - Best New
Poets - New
Poets - Top 100 Most Poems
Poets - Top 100 Most Poems Recent
Poets - Top 100 Community
Poets - Top 100 Contest

Famous Poems

Famous Poems - African American
Famous Poems - Best
Famous Poems - Classical
Famous Poems - English
Famous Poems - Haiku
Famous Poems - Love
Famous Poems - Short
Famous Poems - Top 100

Famous Poets

Famous Poets - Living
Famous Poets - Most Popular
Famous Poets - Top 100
Famous Poets - Best
Famous Poets - Women
Famous Poets - African American
Famous Poets - Beat
Famous Poets - Cinquain
Famous Poets - Classical
Famous Poets - English
Famous Poets - Haiku
Famous Poets - Hindi
Famous Poets - Jewish
Famous Poets - Love
Famous Poets - Metaphysical
Famous Poets - Modern
Famous Poets - Punjabi
Famous Poets - Romantic
Famous Poets - Spanish
Famous Poets - Suicidal
Famous Poets - Urdu
Famous Poets - War

Poetry Resources

Anagrams
Bible
Book Store
Character Counter
Cliché Finder
Poetry Clichés
Common Words
Copyright Information
Grammar
Grammar Checker
Homonym
Homophones
How to Write a Poem
Lyrics
Love Poem Generator
New Poetic Forms
Plagiarism Checker
Poetry Art
Publishing
Random Word Generator
Spell Checker
Store
What is Good Poetry?
Word Counter
Hide Ad