Choosing

She's not sure why she always chooses to die
Why it is she is drawn to demons and lies 
The guilt she carries is so heavy it breaks
 she just can't build up whatever it takes
Behind her is ashes resembling all the pain
Inside her are ghosts lingering in her shame


A vicious circle, trying to erase whats made
An ugly irony because happiness she trades 
Tomorrow she will relive yesterday's pain
She'll lose control and then have to regain
Trapped in a web of pain; she weaves more
She's beginning to confuse what's at her core


Her mistakes have left more than one mark
Her world is lonely, scary and dark
Sadly the only relief she knows and feels
Is short lived, for she'll have to steal
Fake smiles fabricated by men and booze
She's temporarily happy but she will lose 


She wants to break the cycle and be free
But it's the reality that she just can't see
Destruction surrounds; leaving nothing behind  
She no longer has a reason to even find
Her anger takes over and she is blinded again 
she's dumped back into her life cycle of sin

She is covered in the dirt of her past         
With stakes like these she will never last
Her blood flows in reds and in blues
If only she had the strength to just choose   
 To choose correctly and not have to lose
Always a moment too late when she finally sees  
Left in her own aftermath, she too agrees
Copyright © | Year Posted 2015

Poem

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