Home » Poems » Carolyn Devonshire » Ceding To Pain

Ceding To Pain

Eighty-four pounds at age 27 An illness nearly claimed my life The doctor said, “You have an option” But the choice was one that cut like a knife No man would want me for a wife “Pray for a miracle; linger in pain Or negate any chance of having children” My husband had died, my hope long since drained In a sense I already felt barren To live painlessly, I gave in *June 23, 2014

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Keith O.J. Hunt

Date: 7/5/2014 10:19:00 AM

Great win Carolyn ~~~ you've fought the good fight and came way up on top! Very endearing and courageous write... Love Always, Keith

Greg Hoffman

Date: 7/5/2014 9:35:00 AM

Congrats on your win,your poem really tied the heartstrings in a knot.Well done

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 7/4/2014 10:42:00 PM

An awful choice, so brave. Congrad's on your win. Light & Love

Jadazzle United

Date: 7/4/2014 2:26:00 PM

dropping by with my congratulations Carolyn this was a heartbreaking write the first time I read it and it is still incredibly moving to read it a second time. Jan xxx

Mohan Chutani

Date: 7/4/2014 11:16:00 AM

Congrats for Dr. Ram's contest win. Mohan

Robert Johnson

Date: 7/4/2014 9:30:00 AM

This situation epitimises this contest. You told it so well. Congrats on 1st.

Dr. Upma A. Sharma

Date: 7/4/2014 8:40:00 AM

Tremendously emotional write Carolyn ! U really had hard choice to make n u did it dear! Hats off to ur courage! Congrats on first place win ! God bless u always !

Dr.Ram Mehta

Date: 7/4/2014 8:18:00 AM

A unique write on the Hard Choices and fine Rhyming, Congrats on the win in my contest, Carolyn

Paul Callus

Date: 6/30/2014 3:54:00 AM

This is very touching Carolyn. It must have been hard to deal with at the time, but choices do have to be made. I am sure you did it for the best. Sorry about the double love let downs, but looks to me that you also found affection in true friends. Take care. // paul

Paul Callus
Date: 7/4/2014 3:16:00 PM

Back for one more read....and congratulations on a top placed win!

Keith Merritt

Date: 6/28/2014 5:53:00 PM

This could have been written about someone close to my heart, so I am in empathy. As a man, sometimes it's hard to shed tears in public for someone's loss and pain, but shed I did. God bless you, Carolyn !

Connie Marcum Wong

Date: 6/27/2014 2:04:00 AM

It is the heart that aches when you want so much to have a child and it is denied you. I have great empathy for you as I have two friends who have gone through this and I have shared my children with them. Blessings...

Robert Nehls

Date: 6/26/2014 4:01:00 PM

I believe you must choose life in that circumstance. Although, I'm sure it was one of the hardest decisions you have ever made. God always has a plan for us. You are a unique and loving person with much to give. This one touched my heart, Carolyn. very well done.... Robert.

Jslambert Mister Roboto

Date: 6/26/2014 9:57:00 AM

wow. This is something you had told me about before in no great detail, but I knew you had experienced a very rough ordeal. These things often make strong people even tougher and stronger and wiser. Thanks for posting this. I had a serious case of meningitis and thought I might go out with a whimper...There were obviously bigger better plans for both of us. Keep your head up with a sMiLE!

Jack Horne

Date: 6/25/2014 4:36:00 PM

oh, such a sad write, my friend - hope this is a winner if for a contest xx

Joe Maverick

Date: 6/25/2014 4:10:00 PM

What a traumatic experience Carolyn, In one sense I did think of not reading this upon seeing its title..' however i did..' I think you are a brave soul,who has & will spread love through your gift of words, and loyal nature take care..'

Ravi Sathasivam

Date: 6/24/2014 8:16:00 AM

Very heartbreaking and touching write. Sad. Tfs

Vera Duggan

Date: 6/23/2014 11:59:00 PM

Oh Carolyn how sad your life must have been, I do hope you have found someone to fill your life, but they will never replace what you had before, lovely way of expressing yourself in a poem, Take care my friend.............Vera................

Carolyn Devonshire
Date: 6/26/2014 5:22:00 PM

Dear Vera, The inability to have children destroyed two long-term relationships. Both men knew from the start, but later had second thoughts as they wanted children of their own. Always wished I would have been able to adopt a child as a single parent, but I was usually working at least two jobs, often more. My friends shared their children with me and that helped a lot.

Justin Bordner

Date: 6/23/2014 8:20:00 PM

An inscrutable misforune which you clearly endured with dignity, creating good fortune through beautiful fortitude Carolyn. Sometimes we are given the opportunity to reinvent ourselves, our values and our purpose (s) from suffering. You have done well. Trauma poetry is very is truly empowering. J.A.B.

Carolyn Devonshire
Date: 6/23/2014 8:52:00 PM

Justin, even as this was happening my closest friends said I got through it in a "dignified" way. At the time I didn't know what they meant. I approach illness with a lot of thought and prepare to accept the consequences God provides. I felt he wanted me to choose life.

Jan Allison

Date: 6/23/2014 5:05:00 PM

my heart goes out to you Carolyn for this heartbreaking write. Hugs jan xxx

Carolyn Devonshire
Date: 6/23/2014 8:53:00 PM

Dear Jan, I have dealt with it and am in a good frame of mind now. Thank you for the hugs. I'm returning them to you.

Sara Kendrick

Date: 6/23/2014 4:19:00 PM

Interesting work sharing some very personal information..Sometimes we have to make some very hard choices which effect us the rest of our lives..Thanks for the visit to my page..I appreciate you stopping there..Sara

Carolyn Devonshire
Date: 6/23/2014 8:55:00 PM

Dear Sara, it has been a long time since this happened and I have made peace with my decision. It was the hardest choice I ever had to make, but the doctor said it was highly unlikely I could ever conceive. I think difficult choices always seem personal, but friends like you help me through mine. Love, Carolyn

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 6/23/2014 3:46:00 PM

wow, something I never knew about you and so very well expressed poetically here. Sorry for this loss in your young life. For someone like my sister, it would have been very horrible. She lives for that son of hers now!! The title of this is awesome, Carolyn

Carolyn Devonshire
Date: 6/23/2014 9:00:00 PM

Andrea, I do wish I'd have been able to have children, but I "adopted" the children of my dearest friends and they still mean a lot to me.

Mohan Chutani

Date: 6/23/2014 11:49:00 AM

very brave indeed, Carolyn. Faith and time heals. Best. Mohan

Carolyn Devonshire
Date: 6/23/2014 9:01:00 PM

Yes, Mohan, now that time has passed, it is easier for me to talk about this decision. Faith helped me through it.

Frederic Parker

Date: 6/23/2014 10:15:00 AM

Carolyn, only those who live this know the depth of its sadness, every child is now your child, a painful poem to read and brave of you to post it

Carolyn Devonshire
Date: 6/23/2014 11:49:00 AM

I would have died without the surgery and had lived in terrible physical pain for years. Once I faced and accepted the reality, it wasn't difficult to share, Frederic. One long-time friend shared her children with me and these amazing kids always said they considered me part of their family. Together, we all took vacations and spent many wonderful days.

Tim Smith

Date: 6/23/2014 7:52:00 AM

Very heartfelt Carolyn but a very wise decision.... There are many who would marry a woman even if the are barren...A very thought provoking piece...Thanks for sharing... Hugs Tim

Carolyn Devonshire
Date: 6/23/2014 11:41:00 AM

Tim, I had two long-term relationships that ended for this reason, even though both men knew from the start. My friend Elaine who died recently had the same problem and she never remarried after her high school sweetheart left her. I'm grateful to have nine nieces and nephews who have brought joy to my life.